Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Help Wanted

Found this here:

Christianity 101:The Two Adams

From the classified section of The Jerusalem Herald, Nisan 1, A.D. 27:


Redeemer for Mankind

Job description: Man needed to pay price for sins of mankind. Must live totally sinless life. Demanding schedule, constantly on the go. No guaranteed home or income. Must be willing to train forgetful staff who tend to quit under pressure. Must totally fulfill law of Old Testament. Must be absolutely obedient to the will of management. Will ultimately be beaten and humiliated and experience indescribable suffering and anguish. Will become sin offering and die on job.

To qualify: Must be male, minimum age 30. Father must be God, mother must be of house and lineage of David, must have been virgin when he was born. Adopted father must also be of house of David. Must have sinless blood and spotless record. Must have been born in Bethlehem and raised in Nazareth. Must be self-motivated, with aggressive personality and burning desire to help people. Must have tremendous knowledge of Old Testament and firm reliance on biblical principles. Must incorporate the foresight of Noah, the faith of Abraham, the patience of Job, the faithfulness of Joseph, the meekness of Moses, the courage of Joshua, the heart of David, the wisdom of Solomon, the boldness of Elijah, the power of Elisha, the eloquence of Isaiah, the commitment of Jeremiah, the vision of Ezekiel and the love of God.

Wages: Holy spirit (without measure) to start. Additional payoff in intimacy with God and receiving revelation as necessary to complete job. Constant on-job training, supervision and guidance by top-level management.

Benefits: Position will lead to highly exalted position in future if job carried out successfully.

Workman’s compensation: Injuries sustained on job, including death, well compensated by promotion including new body. Management will highly promote name upon successful completion of job, and entire publicity department will be devoted to getting name before multitudes. Will assume presidency of expanding international venture (The Ministry of Reconciliation), as Head of Body of well-equipped members ready to move dynamic new product on world market. All in all, tremendous eternal potential for growth and rewards in return on initial investment of giving life.

If qualified, management will contact you. No need to apply.

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