Wednesday, March 4, 2009

I can't NOT share this

I hope no one who might read this takes offense..I just saw it on a webpage and hope it will make someone,anyone realize how nonsensical it is to call God three persons.If it doesn't ,I hope it will at least make you smile or roll your eyes..NO ANGER ALLOWED.

from the following:

Creating Your Own Triune God

The following article was written just to make you think a little.

The Triune God Special Offer

We here at Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc. serve the needs of all aspiring Christians who need a Triune God. Indeed, everyone needs a Triune God. If you don't have one yet then you need to get one. Only heretics and cultists don't have a three person God. Having your own three person God is paramount to your Christian faith.

The first thing you need to know is this three person God exists. The second thing you need to know is this Triune God is the one God of the Christians. This is your starting point. You don't need to bother asking yourself if this God actually exists, or whether this God was the God of Jesus and of the Christians because, praise the Lord, Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc. has already done the work for you. So if you want to be a real Christian then you most definitely can see why you require your very own three person God. You also need to know this God is the most important doctrine of the Christian faith. Indeed, if you refuse this doctrine then you are a heretic and likely belong to a cult. A fearful thought isn't it? Knowing this, you can see how badly you need a three person God to worship. This God is much better than the God of Jesus. This God includes Jesus!

Now while the three person God is not reported anywhere in the Scriptures, this is not important since we ourselves know very well the three person God does actually exist and this tradition of ours is the most important thing you can believe. But you don't need to worry one little bit about the Scriptures being silent about this God. Thanks to our expert craftsmen at Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc., you can actually use selected passages of the Scriptures to create and build your very own three person God! And when you finish building your own three person God then you will be absolutely convinced this God does indeed exist because you yourself have created this God and your God will be right there before you! Isn't this wonderful? And here is the best part. Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc. has done the work for you! They have all the required pre-fabricated building materials you will need to build your three person God. So, don't delay, order today. Get ready and systematically build your God today!

Step 1: Collect your Building Materials

Anyone can have a three person god. It's as easy as "one, two, three." All you need are some very basic building materials. (We at Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc. also provide material for Intermediate and Advanced Triune God making and maintenance).

A. Basic Trinity Apologetics Co. Scripture Kit

Appropriate the following basic building materials from any approved Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc. vendor who distributes these materials. You must only use Trinity Apologetics Co. products to build your God or we cannot guarantee satisfactory results. These products are expressly approved by us, Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc.

1. The Trinity Apologetics Co. Translation Package
T.A.C.I. version of John 1:1
T.A.C.I.version of Isaiah 9:6
T.A.C.I. version of Hebrews 1:8
T.A.C.I. version of Acts 20:28
T.A.C.I. version of Micah 5:2
T.A.C.I. version of John 10:33
2. The T.A.C.I. Interpretation Package
These interpretations of Bible verses were carefully designed and crafted by our very own expert Apologists. Use your own imagination and enjoy!

T.A.C.I. version of Genesis 1:26.
T.A.C.I. version of Matthew 28:19.
T.A.C.I. version of Mark 2:7.
T.A.C.I. version of John 8:58
T.A.C.I. version of John 10:30.
T.A.C.I. version of John 20:28
T.A.C.I. version of Colossians 1:15
T.A.C.I. version of Hebrews 1:3
T.A.C.I. version of 1 John 5:20
With these basic building materials, you can build your very own Triune God. All you need to do is assemble the these materials by following the easy T.A.C.I. instructions designed by our expert craftsman. So don't delay. Get your Triune God building materials today and you can soon be creating your own Triune God.

B. Intermediate T.A.C.I. Translation Kit

For a more polished Triune God, appropriate the following special building materials from the specified Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc. subsidiary vendors. You must only use the products specified below to create and build your God or we cannot guarantee satisfactory results. These products are expressly approved by us, Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc.

WARNING: Some clone versions of these building materials are deficient and unsatisfactory for building your three person god and could result in death to your created God. Using unapproved versions will result in a defective Triune God. Only use the following versions approved by us, T.A.C.I.

KJV version of Zechariah 12:10
KJV version of Titus 2:13
NIV version of Romans 9:5
KJV version of 1 Timothy 3:16
KJV version of 1 John 5:7
NIV version of John 1:18
Step 2: Maintaining your Triune God

The following materials will provide you with the necessary materials to protect and maintain your created God. Appropriate the following building materials from the specified T.A.C.I. subsidiary vendors. You must only use the products specified below to create and build your God or we cannot guarantee satisfactory results. These products are expressly approved by us, T.A.C.I.

T.A.C.I. contrivance of John 5:44
T.A.C.I. contrivance of John 14:28
T.A.C.I. contrivance of John 20:17
T.A.C.I. contrivance of 1 Corinthians 8:6
T.A.C.I. contrivance of Ephesians 4:6
T.A.C.I. contrivance of Philippians 2:6
T.A.C.I. contrivance of 1 Timothy 2:5
T.A.C.I. contrivance of Hebrews 1:9
T.A.C.I. contrivance of 1 John 5:20
T.A.C.I. Assembly Tools Free Gift Offer!

In order to make your creation operate smoothly and trouble free, T.A.C.I. also recommends our specially crafted "blinders package." These specially made glasses are designed to help you see only what is beneficial to your God in the Scriptures. And here is the amazing thing about our glasses. They completely block out any facts that might otherwise disturb your created God. These glasses are provided completely free to anyone who calls within the next 24 hours.

You will need building materials to create your Triune God. Triune God building materials cannot be found in your local Bible. This offer is only available through T.A.C.I. Fortunately, we at T.A.C.I. have exclusively created the required basic building materials you will need to manufacture your own Triune God. Anyone can build their own three person being in just a few short hours. The three person God building kit is therefore only available through Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc. and not available in your local stores of Holy Scripture. Enjoy worshiping your new creation!

"And the men said, 'Let us make God in our own image, in our own likeness, and let Them rule over all the people of earth. And man created God in his own image, in the image of man he created Him; three persons he created Them. And man blessed Them and man said to Them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over every living thing that moves on the earth. And man saw that is was very good and he rested from all his work which he had created."

And from the same site:
When God's Parents Lost Him

Trinitarians insist that whenever we see the word "Jesus" in the Bible, we can be sure the Bible writers were referring to God the Son. They claim this was God walking in the land of Israel. So if Jesus is God .....

Now the parents of God went to Jerusalem every year at the feast of the Passover. And when God was twelve years old, they went up according to custom and when the feast was ended, as they were returning, God stayed behind in Jerusalem. The parents of God did not know it, but supposing God to be in their company they went a day's journey, and they sought God among their kinsfolk and acquaintances and when they did not find God, they returned to Jerusalem, seeking God. After three days they found God in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions and all who heard God were amazed at the understanding of God and His answers. And when they saw God they were astonished and the mother of God said to him, "God, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been looking for you anxiously." And God said to them, "How is it that you sought me? Did you not know that I must be in the house of my Father?" And they did not understand the saying which God spoke to them. And God went down with them and came to Nazareth and God was obedient to them and the mother of God kept all these things in her heart. And God increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man. (Luke 2:40-52).

And I promise no more after this...From the same site:
Holy Spirit Absurdities

If the Holy Spirit is the 3rd person of the Trinity then:

Now the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, "See, I have called by name Bezalel, the son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah. "I have filled him with [the third person of the Trinity] in wisdom, in understanding, in knowledge (Exodus 31:1-3).

Do not cast me away from Your presence And do not take Your [third person of the Trinity] from me. (Psalm 51:11).

Behold, My Servant, whom I uphold; My chosen one in whom My soul delights. I have put My [third person of the Trinity] upon Him; He will bring forth justice to the nations. (Isaiah 42:1).

I will not hide My face from them any longer, for I will have poured out My [third person of the Trinity] on the house of Israel," declares the Lord GOD. (Ezekiel 39:29).

It will come about after this that I will pour out My [third person of the Trinity] on all mankind; And your sons and daughters will prophesy, Your old men will dream dreams, Your young men will see visions. (Joel 2:28).

"As for me, I baptize you with water for repentance, but He who is coming after me is mightier than I, and I am not fit to remove His sandals; He will baptize you with [the third person of the Trinity] and fire. (Matthew 3:11).

Jesus, full of [the third person of the Trinity], returned from the Jordan and was led around by the Spirit in the wilderness (Luke 4:1).

If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give [the third person of the Trinity to those who ask Him? (Luke 11:13).

For He whom God has sent speaks the words of God; for He gives [the third person of the Trinity] withthout measure. (John 3:34).

Therefore having been exalted to the right hand of God, and having received from the Father the promise of [the third person of the Trinity], Jesus has poured forth this which you both see and hear. (Acts 2:33).

Now when the apostles at Jerusalem heard that Samaria had received the word of God, they sent to them Peter and John, who came down and prayed for them that they might receive [the third person of the Trinity] for [the third person of the Trinity] had not yet fallen on any of them... Then they laid their hands on them and they received [the third person of the Trinity]... Now when Simon saw that [the third person of the Trinity] was given through the laying on of the apostles' hands, he offered them money (Acts 8:14-15).

While Peter was still saying this, [the third person of the Trinity] fell on all who heard the word. And the believers from among the circumcised who came with Peter were amazed, because the gift of [the third person of the Trinity] had been poured out even on the Gentiles. For they heard them speaking in tongues and extolling God. Then Peter declared, Can any one forbid water for baptizing these people who have received [the third person of the Trinity] just as we have?" (Acts 10:43-47).

But in my opinion she is happier if she remains as she is; and I think that I also have [the third person of the Trinity] (1 Corinthians 7:40).

Did you receive [the third person of the Trinity] by the works of the Law, or by hearing with faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun in [the third person of the Trinity], are you now being perfected by the flesh? (Galatians 3:2-3).

By this you know [the third person of the Trinity]: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God (1 John 4:2).

I was in [the third person of the Trinity] on the Lord's day (Revelation 1:10).


  1. This is great! I love it. Nothing like some good 'ol common sense.

  2. My favorite line in the "Build your own triune God special offer"?:
    This God is much better than the God of Jesus. This God includes Jesus!